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Saturday, November 20, 2010

The Koran or Quràn or Quran

When Muhammad was in Mecca, he was married to Kaditha, an older woman who had more money than god. So the Mo man was very interested in her and, as they say, he married her vagina. In Mecca the prophet (piss be upon him), had only 150 followers, and even by Facebook standards, that was pretty anemic. So when allah sent gabriel, an angelic messenger, to dictate the word of the great and perfect book, the holy and noble word of god, the prophet, (may god give him what he deserves), said, "Hell yeah, I`d be delighted to get someone who knows how to write and have him take notes." So verily, gabriel told Mo, who told his scribe (I forget his name but I know he helped make corrections in the perfect word of god and later left islam because he was onto it), to jot stuff down, and it came to pass (not unlike gas), that the koran was written. Interestingly, when it was first begun, the verses (suras), said things like "If dudes want to practice any religion, hey, that`s cool with We" (allah often spoke of himself in plural which, for some reason, made those nonbelievers think that the big Mo wrote the damn thing in the first place. But the koran says he didn`t, so it must be the truth, because it doesn`t lie, and I know this because it says it doesn`t lie.
Later on, more people bought into Mo`s nonsense and anti-Semitic rantings.  But the Jews, like the scribe, were onto the dude, and refused to convert and kill in the name of some moon god who is worshipped by dancing around a pagan stone. This stone was used at one time by women to help them become fertile. They would pray to the stone and rub their vaginas on it; guys with bad breath kissed it, and this turned the stone even blacker and stinkier, they say. There were even 360 idols around that thing and Mo placated the pagans by praying to their gods and before he realized the Jews weren`t going to convert he had his merry men bowing to Jerusalem, which went on for a few years, actually. But the Jews, those Jews, those Jews got him so damned angry that he got a phonecall from god (which happened every time he wanted something special for himself--like extra wives, doing his step-son`s wife with a marriage to make it legit), that he said the Jews were now bad and should be dealt with in that cool Islamic way--may them pay money, convert, or kill them. Mo did this a lot, possibly because his mental illness went undiagnosed for his entire, wretched life.
So once he had an army in Medina of thousands of unshaved, camel jockeys, his suras became less loving and tolerant and even got kind of violent and, well, ungodlike. My guess is the guy wrote the book himself--well, not that he could actually write, but you get the point. His scribe, as I said, left him because he knew the truth. What is baffling is that people still buy into this seventh century crap. Maybe they`re just violent and need something to justify that. I can`t imagine that many people, however, being that violent. Some Nobel Prize guy once said something like, "Religion is the biggest insult to man`s dignity. Even without it, good people would continue to do good things, and bad people would continue to do evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion." Now that`s paraphrased but I believe pretty close to the actual quote.
Peace out

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